FROM TIME TO TIME, I hold open, public hearings, in order to directly address the concerns of my subjects. Thus far, I have avoided killing any of the petitioners, with my hands, but it has been very close on a few occasions.
A man appears, as the first of a day's worth of petitioners. The man wishes me, the King, to force all of my subjects to worship just one God, his God.
I listen to the man and then I reply, “Each of my Kingdoms has a Constitution. One of the key articles in each of said Constitutions is that there will be no state religion. Thus, it's not legal to force any of my subjects to worship any particular God, or no God, for that matter. However, you may appeal directly to your God and ask your God to impose a single form of worship on any or all of my subjects. Such a course of action is your right, without any need for you to appeal to your King. Next!”
The next group, actually several groups, have a problem with the slaughtering of animals for food. The King's Food And Drug Administration apparently still has a rule as to how the slaughtering of animals for food is to be done (you don't wanna know). The several groups have a few, slightly different means of slaughtering of animals for food. The main difference is that, for each of the groups, an ordained priest (or whatever) must do the slaughtering of an animal for food.
I have a brief, written analysis of the priestly methods of the slaughtering of animals for food. The conclusion is that an animal being slaughtered for food feels about the same, minimal, amount of pain by each of the methods. I have no objection to the slaughtering of animals for food, especially since I often ingest a cut of meat from one of the luckless animals at one of my meals. I do want to see that the animal suffers a minimal amount of pain on the way to my table.
I call upon a member of the King's Food And Drug Administration and inquire as to what the problem is.
The mog from the King's Food And Drug Administration tells me, “We at the King's Food And Drug Administration have changed the rules for animal slaughter, per a law passed by the Parliament. However, many of our inspectors don't read the new rules and they keep trying to enforce the old rules.”
“Ah, I see. What you have is not a problem, but an opportunity. The next time that one of your inspectors tries to enforce his own rules, he/she/it will then try to force his/her/its will on me, with a sword. The cost of such a duel to the King's Food And Drug Administration will be two million Averonian Crowns and the almost certain loss of the inspector's life. Do you understand the situation?”
The mog from the King's Food And Drug Administration tells me, “We at the King's Food And Drug Administration will inform our inspectors of the your proclamation. We will direct them to follow the law passed by the Parliament.”
I then get one of the groups of people that I have dealt with many times before and apparently will deal with many more times. I get a group from the Averonian third schools. They're very unhappy with the required exit tests that I have mandated for graduation from third school. It seems that the tests are unfair.
I, unfortunately knowing the answer beforehand, ask, “Why do you think that the exit tests are unfair?”
“Well, many of our better students can't pass the tests.”
“Pardon me, but if a student can't pass the exit tests, then the student obviously isn't a better student.”
One of the idiots then states, “One of the tests concerns mathematics. Many of the third school students will have no use for mathematics, for the rest of their lives.”
“Really? How do you calculate which is the better buy in the food market a larger size at such and such a price or a smaller size at a smaller price?”
“Well, I never concern myself with such trivia.”
“Well, it's only a money concern. If money is no concern to a teacher, perhaps I should cut teacher salaries.”
“We have a contract. You can't do that!”