I'm Jason Hull, a computer programmer. Computer programmer probably sounds like a dull job, but not the way I do it. Back while I was working for a defense company, I developed an Internet application. I developed the application at home, and it had nothing to do with the work that I did for the defense company.
The Internet application that I developed is a sort of invisible one. It's not a consumer application, but an internal Internet app. It speeds up and better controls certain types of Internet traffic.
I go to a man that I know a little, from computer meetings. The man has an operation set up and running. Unfortunately, the product that he's selling has pretty much run its useful lifespan. I convince him that my app will make us both a lot of money. The man agrees and we each wind up half owners of the company. I, Jason Hull, quit work at the defense company and I then go to work for my new company.
The first thing that I have to do is to train the programmers and the sales force as to what it is that my new app does. I get binding contracts from each of the employees and then we go to work.
I explain what my new app does to the sales guys, and they seem to understand what they need to know, in order to lease the software. I explain a bit about why and how the software does it, to the programmers. As I go through my lecture, I notice that one of the people seems to be just sitting there. When I give a lecture, I will suddenly stop and ask questions. I ask the salespeople about what my new app will do, and I get reasoned responses. I ask the programmers about how my new app works, and I get reasoned responses. I ask the guy who appears to be just sitting there a couple of questions and he has no answers at all.
I then tell the salespeople to go out and sell (actually lease.) I talk with just the programmers and get each of them working on some area within my app. I'm then left with Zero Boy. I ask ZB, “Exactly what is it that you do here?”
ZB tries to give me a vague, rambling answer to my question.
I then ask ZB, “Who do you work for?”
ZB tells me, “I don't think that it's any of your business.”
I calmly state, “I own half of this company and anything that happens here is my business. Who do you work for?”
ZB finally tells me, “I work as a coordinator, for Stuart Braun.”
Asking more questions of ZB isn't going to accomplish much of anything.
I then go and talk with Stuart Braun.
Stuart Braun gives me the same kind of vague answers that ZB gave me.
I ask Mr. Braun, “Is ZB a programmer?”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Is ZB a salesperson?”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Exactly what is ZB's job title?”
Mr. Braun says, “He’s my Executive Assistant.”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Exactly what work have you accomplished in the last month?”
Mr. Braun says, “I have talked with a lot of industry people, about what we’re
doing and built up our company’s reputation.”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Describe to me the function of this company’s main product.”
Mr. Braun says, “Well, I don’t know.”
I ask Mr. Braun, “You say that you have talked with a lot of industry people about what we’re doing. Yet, you have no idea of the function of this company’s main product.”
Mr. Braun says, “Well, I just talked about general things,”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Do you have a list of things that you have talked with a lot of industry people about?”
Mr. Braun says, “No, I just talked about general things,”
I ask Mr. Braun, “Do you have a list of the industry people that you talked to?”
Mr. Braun says, “No, I didn’t keep a list.”
I tell Mr. Braun, “No list of subjects. No list of contacts. It appears that you have accomplished no verifiable work in the last month. We do have a list of the phone numbers that you called, in the last month, very few of the phone numbers are for possible buyers for our software.”
I tell Mr. Braun, “You and your Executive Assistant are fired. You will both accompany me to Personnel, the Guard will control you, as necessary.”
(Zero Boy had been lurking outside Mr. Braun's office and he departs, at speed.)
I tell the Guard, “We will both escort Mr. Braun to Personnel. Then we will find his Executive Assistant, it’s too dangerous to send just one man after the Executive Assistant.”
We escort Mr. Braun to Personnel. I have the Personnel lady start the process of signing Mr. Braun out of employment.
Gina, the Librarian comes into Personnel. Gina is crying. It seems that Zero Boy forced her to give him my source software and then he left, out the fire exit.
I tell Gina, “Not to worry, I can stop the thief.” With that, I sit down at a computer and type a letter, advising the recipient that Zero Boy has stolen software from my company, and he will probably try to sell the stolen software. If anyone obtains the stolen software, legal action will follow.
(Our Corporate Counsel is in the Personnel office, to observe the firing of Mr. Braun.) I ask the Corporate Counsel to examine the letter that I just typed.
The legal eagle reads the letter and says that it’s okay.
I then have the personnel lady send my e-mail letter to a number of recipients, business concerns that are in the same kind of business that my company is in. I also have the personnel ladies call the personnel departments, at the same companies that were targets for the e-mails.
I then attend to the business of firing Mr. Braun. I point out to him that, in addition to doing no verifiable work, he also failed to supervise his Executive Assistant.
Mr. Braun has no comment.
The Personnel lady then disposes of Mr. Braun and the Guard escorts his worthless ass out of the building.
The Personnel lady then disposes of Zero Boy, in absentia.
I then call the police and report the theft of some $3.5 million in software, by Zero Boy. The report takes a while and the Personnel lady, the Librarian and the Corporate Counsel are all involved.