Hot Rod Jim Stav walks into the lunchroom. He sits at an empty table and extracts a metal pint container from the brown bag that he carries. He begins to sip at the contents of the container.
Huey walks over and sits down opposite Jim. Huey stares at Jim for a bit and then asks, “Is that hot rod of yours worth all the trouble?”
“I was a senior in high school. I had a work-study job with Aardvark Computer Specialists. I was making quite a bit more money than the typical high school kid. I didn’t have much personal time, so I bought a rolling body and a chassis from a hot rod shop. The chassis hot rod shop was in money trouble, so I got a real deal. The chassis included frame, independent front suspension, differential, all the wiring and all the hydraulic plumbing. The chassis package also included a nice set of mag wheels and top-of-the-line tires.
“The body was a fiberglass replica of a chopped top Forty-One Willys Coupe, including seats, instruments, floor shifter, and velour vinyl upholstery. Velour vinyl upholstery looks as good as leather and breathes a great deal better. You can sit on velour vinyl upholstery and not perspire, I almost said sweat, like some kind of crude mofo. Oh yeah, the body also included an installed AM FM and Police Band radio. I only use the Police Band for traffic information and definitely not to avoid the police for street racing activity.
“I then bought a small block Chevy V-8, from a bankruptcy. The mouse motor was only a mild hop-up, but it looked like a display for a chrome plating shop, oh yeah!
“I finally got everything installed and checked out.
“My hot rod looked like the cover car for Hot Rod Review Magazine. In fact, it was the June cover car for Hot Rod Review Magazine. Of course, Hot Rod Review Magazine wanted a bikini girl, to spice up the photo-shoot.
“Well, it seemed that Linda had what she described as a teeny bikini and she was available to be the bikini girl for the photo-shoot. Of course, Linda was the hottest girl in the local high school. Well, it seemed that Linda was what Hot Rod Review Magazine wanted in a bikini girl to spice up their photo-shoot. Arrangements were made.
“Linda wore a long coat to school the day of the photo-shoot. Linda also wore school girl clothes to school, the day of the photo-shoot. However, when Linda got ready for the photo-shoot, Linda was not wearing what she described as a teeny bikini. Linda was instead wearing a lace bra and pantie set, with tall nylons and five-inch heels. The lace was not really designed for coverage and the bra and pantie set was not large enough to really qualify as a teeny bikini. However, WOW! Linda put the long coat back on and then strutted out for the photo-shoot. Linda then peeled off the long coat and posed for the first shot of the photo-shoot.
“The photo-shoot crew was about ready to ravish the girl on the spot. Hell, I was about ready to ravish the girl on the spot and I saw Linda most days, at school.
“Okay, the photo-shoot crew got photos of Linda posing outside the car, without ravishing the girl on the spot. Then the photo-shoot crew wanted photos of Linda posing inside the car.
“I went and opened the passenger side door to my hot rod and Linda climbed in. I somehow managed to close the door, without calling out, ‘Take it off!’ like some crude stage front guy at the Star.
Then the photo-shoot crew took photos of just Linda, posing inside the car. Then, grudgingly, the photo-shoot crew took a photo of me and Linda posing inside the car. I’m not sure if anyone really noticed me.
Then the photo-shoot crew wanted a photo of me driving off with Linda sort of leaning out of the passenger side window and waving goodbye.
“After the photo-shoot there were nasty rumors about what happened between me and Linda, after I drove off. Do you remember the very old joke about, ‘How do you get two tigers in a Beetle Volkswagen? Two tigers, Hell you can’t even get a little pussy in a Beetle Volkswagen.’ Sadly, my hot rod probably had less room inside than a Beetle Volkswagen.”
Huey sneers, “So you didn’t score.”
“Not only did I not score, Linda demanded that I drive her back to school, so that she could change out of her posing outfit and back into school girl clothes. Then Linda asked me to drive her home, or else.”
Huey laughs and says, “So you lost all around.”
“Well, not so bad. By the time I got Linda back to school, the place was deserted. Linda took her own sweet time about getting changed and by the time that I got her home, enough time had passed that the kids who lived in her neighborhood assumed that we had stopped somewhere and got in a little humping and bumping.”